The Future
by Riverside Princess
Summary: Daniel mourns Sha're's death, a songfic to the Cranberries' song "I Still Do"


_Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: SG-1. Please do not sue me, I am poor. The song "I Still Do" belongs to the Cranberries. _

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_Synopsis: Daniel mourns his loss of Sha're. _

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_The Future… _

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//_I'm not ready for this, though I thought I would be. I can't see the future, though I thought I could see_//

            Daniel's hand brushed over Sha're's pale face, his thumb tracing over her high cheekbone. Her skin was soft yet cold underneath his hand. The skin that was once dusky and inviting was now pale and cold. She looked like a marble statue to him. He knew that in order for Amonet to die, Sha're had to go… but he was not ready for her to die… he still thought there was hope. 

            He knew that he had made the right decision on Cimmeria… but… he still wished he had had a chance to bring Sha're back and rid her of Amonet forever. That had not been the case as he was forced to destroy the mechanism to save Teal'c. He did not blame his friend, he had had a choice… he had chose as well as he could. If he had known the conclusion it would have come to- he may have been hesitant to not do it. He removed his hand, turning to leave the room. 

//_I don't want to leave you, Even though I have to. I don't want to love you. Oh, I still do./_/

            There were many times when Daniel had not wanted to be in love with Sha're… and he tried so hard to forget her touch, her voice, and everything about her. But when he was sleeping, he could hear her voice whispering "Dan'yel" in her thick accent. He could smell her shampoo and imagined that he could bury his face in it, run his hands through it. He had tried so hard to forget, because he knew that her being a goa'uld seriously impaired his judgment in many situations. 

            He was almost able to leave her behind… it had been a year and there seemed to be no hope. But when he went to Abydos to speak to Kasuf, she had been there. She had been there and had been Sha're and not Amonet. He turned back around- he couldn't leave her. He wanted to stay with her for all eternity… he knew that he couldn't though. He had duties to attend to… and things that he knew he had to do.  

//_Need some time to find myself, I wanna live within//_

He placed a hand on top of hers which were folded across her chest. Her hands felt like marble under his own warm hands. He shook his head, he needed to stop thinking like this. Even in her sleep though, she was the image of perfection. She was the most beautiful thing in the world. He pushed a hand in her hair, loving the feeling of the silken strands between his fingers. He would give anything for her to be alive again… even his own life. He sighed and bowed his head, his crystal tears falling unchecked. 

            He wished he could withdraw within himself, away from the world. He knew that as soon as he got back to Earth he would have to answer questions. He wished he did not have to face that but he also knew that he had absolutely no choice. All he could do was spend a final moment with her as the rest of the team packed up to go home. They were going to bring her to Abydos so she could be buried with her family… Sha're… Skarra… Kasuf was going to have to bury them alone… but Daniel was contemplating on staying on Abydos forever… never having to face his loved ones being taken over by the goa'uld. 

//_Can I go my own way?  Can I pray my own way? I don't want to leave you. Oh, I need you./_/

            Daniel bowed his head once more, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He drank in her fading scent as his body became racked with sobs. He pulled his glasses off and in a fit of anger, in a gesture of protest, he threw them across the room. They hit the wall and shattered but he didn't care- he wanted to be with his Sha're. That was the only place he had wanted to be since he met her the first time on Abydos. 

            He needed her, he needed her more than he needed life itself. She was his everything, she still was his everything. He felt his life was meaningless without her. He didn't know what to think anymore. It was easier before because there was still hope then… now there was none. Now, he would have to bury her forever… bury her in his heart, mind, and soul as well as in a physical sense. He would have to push her aside from his life because she was gone. It tore his heart, he wasn't sure he could even go on. 

//_Am I ready for this? Did I think I would be? Can I see the future? No, I can't see. //_

He turned again, knowing that he would have to face the facts sooner or later. In his minds eye, he could still see her alive. Her eyes sparkling, her mouth upturned in a smile. Her wild hair matching her fiery spirit. Her thick accent, her soft lips… everything about her was so clear… and yet all the happiness was draining from him… all the hope as well. 

            He looked at the setting sun, knowing now what people meant when they said "no one promises us tomorrow". He sighed and hugged her limp body close to him, beginning to sob again. He buried his face in her hair again. He wondered why this had happened to him, since he did not remember doing anything that would harm anyone intentionally. He felt the last dregs of happiness leave him, the last light of hope diminish. 

//_I don't want to leave you, even though I have to. I don't want to love you. Oh, I still do._ //

            Resignedly, he picked her up, cradling her in his arms. He rocked her slightly, knowing this was the last time he would ever hold her. He hugged her close and gave her one final, soft kiss on her lips. Another tear slipped from his eyes and he walked towards the gate. Jack put a hand on his shoulder, showing without words that it was okay. The gate opened and he stepped through. He emerged in Abydos. 

            He brushed his thumb over her cheek once again and set her down in front of Kasuf. He closed his eyes, allowing his tears to come. He said his final goodbyes… and on the wind he could hear her voice forgiving him. 

            _"Thank you, Dan'yel… you did all that you could… and in the end you just set me free… I love you, my Dan'yel…"_

**~Fin~**


End file.
